Friday, March 21, 2014

3 years.

It just hit me that today marks the 3-year-anniversary of my first day in LA.  It's crazy to think that all this time has already passed. Where do I even begin reminiscing or recapping on all the incredible, surprising, overwhelming, life-changing things that have come to pass?

Before I moved to LA, I was a little more naive - swallowed by unsatisfied hunger and insatiable curiosity, but only because I hadn't yet crossed waters I wanted to tread. I was 25 then, but in my memory, I seem so much younger.  This day 3 years ago was the end of a month-long journey across the U.S.  I had seen so much of this country that I hadn't seen before - I'd grown so much as a musician while exploring Nashville and touring Texas, and had learned just how much of this world I'd been missing.  Despite many travels out of the country in earlier years, the U.S. had never seemed like a wide open expanse until I took that trip.

When comparing my life now to life then, it all seems to have shifted in a whirlwind. I am sorry to use so many cliches, but I guess I'm at a loss for words.  I could tell you about all the things that have happened since moving here - the songwriting, the albums, the touring, the contacts, the new friends, the chance encounters, the side projects - but in truth, it's the more subtle things that give me pause. The way I approach my career as well as other people; the way I've learned to manage my time; how I discovered my love for teaching music; my incremental-then-exponential vocal growth and comfort onstage. Then there's the difficult stuff: how jaded I can be after being exposed to the "industry;" learning that there are still ways for me to feel insecure, if I do not learn to manage my mind; realizing the challenges that are always present in this field.  But it gives me hope that despite the hardships, I'm still in the game, still hungry to create, hungry to continue this love for music.  I'm in a different chapter now - with shows behind me, I'm looking towards more writing - but I am so thankful for the last year and a half since Kickstarting "World Go Blue," recording it, and then touring and promoting it here and abroad. I've learned so much, and have been given so many more opportunities via placements, endorsements, and much more. I can't wait to see what comes next.



Pictures from the day I left NJ: 2.20.11

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

When you have woman-parts.

A few weeks ago I did a video interview for Planet X, hosted by my good friend and musician-extraodinaire Inch Chua.  The show was ahead of the She Rocks Awards, which focuses on women in the music industry, and so I was asked about any difficulties I run into as a woman in the "music business." At the time I couldn't think of what to say - I had never felt like my gender got in the way of progress, and even if it had, nothing in my memory felt worth mentioning.

Recently I ran into a bit of a head-butt with a sound guy.  I know this isn't exactly unique - every working musician runs into this kind of snafoo - but I couldn't help wondering if my gender had anything to do with the blowout we exchanged.  In short, I was the only female in the line-up, and in trying to verbalize my sound needs, I noticed he was getting very short and sarcastic with me. I couldn't imagine what I might have said that quickly switched the tides - I'd barely been onstage for 2 minutes when I felt his attitude flare. At one point, he even compared me to the other acts, saying they were all "cool", except me.

There are two things at work here. First, are the circumstances causing a certain level of self-consciousness: being a woman, I am used to being underestimated in many cases, and have learned to be forthright about my sound needs. I'm not mean about it, I just know what I want to hear through the monitors. I see that this can probably be misinterpreted as "attitude", particularly if the sound engineer isn't used to a woman asking for certain adjustments to be made for more than 30 seconds. Now it's very possible this could apply to every artist in particular, but I ask you - if a guy got on stage and asked for the sound through the monitors to be made "more intimate", do you think the sound engineer would snap back at him?  Doubt it.

Second: ego.  The guy had a big ego about what his capabilities were; he thought it insulting that I wanted adjustments made, and furthermore, seemed to want me to "coddle" him in the way I asked for certain changes, as evidenced by him mistaking my simple sound requests as attitude. Of course I'm sure my own ego had something to do with it too - I instantly took his shortness with me to mean he didn't think I was a knowledgeable musician, and the snowball began.  Ego is such a funny thing, though. We love it in men but hate it in women - why?  It's a by-product of working at something we love; it isn't always good and it isn't always bad, and that goes for both genders.

In the end, the show was great and went off without a hitch, but I couldn't help wondering how it all would have gone down if I weren't a female. The expectation for us women is to be softer, less targeted in our demands; and it's a shame all sound guys can't just set aside those expectations and be real pros.